Auto Ordeal!

_{Commuting to office daily can be quite an ordeal. In fact most of us are stuck between the devil and the deep sea. It is torturous and straining for people who drive to work and worse for mere mortals like me who take an auto rickshaw every day.}

The torment begins even before starting from home because you are anxious about getting an auto in time. Even if you happen to spot a vacant one, it is most likely that the driver will make you feel like persona non grata and speed past as if he were James Bond in a chase sequence.

As you wait for an auto there are other irritants that need to be countered. The ubiquitous sweepers with their gigantic brooms cover you in a blanket of dust and God be with you if you are caught in between two overzealous ones, who threaten to reduce you to dust if you don’t move out of the way.

In fact, gazing at a distance for an auto can be so taxing that after a while you see a mirage, and may have a false illusion of green and yellow (colour of CNG autos in Delhi) amidst the chauffer driven colourful cars that speed (read almost snub) past you.

Even if your fervent prayers to God are finally answered and an auto deigns to stop, you need to be prepared for a fight. Mind you, this may vary from persuasive pleas and a haggling war to the choicest expletives stored in your vocabulary. Cunning and guile too come in handy sometimes, when you convincingly lie about your destination and then pretend ignorance of the route. However, practice this at your own peril for you may be asked to disembark midway by an irate driver.

The reasons for overcharging are getting innovative by the day. From the regular “Madam is route pe jaam hai” and “wahan se sawaari nai milegi” to the never heard before ones like “I am a graduate, phir bhi auto chalata hoon so I have a right to demand more money.” If you try to threaten them by calling up the helpline, an audacious few may offer to give you the number themselves.

Besides being open to the vagaries of “autowallahs” and nature, in these three wheelers, you are in for many more jolts at traffic signals. I have come across a motley crew of people, including beggars who smack your hand if you ignore them, a perpetually pregnant lady who begs in the name of her unborn child (although she has been sporting a baby bump since years), a little kid offering me “Bhog” (read Vogue magazine) and a man selling glowing red horns with the refrain “seengh lelo”.

And if that wasn’t enough you may find the visiting card of a tantric, with the assurance “har parshani ka hal, mai promise”, land on your lap from nowhere. I am almost tempted to visit him for a solution to my commuting woes, after all desperate diseases call for desperate measures.

How I wish that all my travelling travails would come to an end and I could imperiously command, “Beam me to work Scotty”!